JC was cold and silent for the rest of the morning.
Without saying a word Jessica could see that he was replaying the conversation in
his head over and over, changing his replies and mentally saying exactly what he wanted to
instead of reacting emotionally like he had. Kyle
sat at the coffee table playing with his toys quietly, purposely keeping his eyes lowered
and away from JC who seemed ready to strike out at any second.
"Stop it." JC's hand came
down firmly on Kyle's to stop the little boy from banging his matchbox car on the coffee
table. "That's driving me nuts."
Kyle's eyes widened with an expression close to fear, bordering on confusion. "Is mine."
"I know it's yours. Stop banging
it on the table." JC sighed and stood up,
removing himself to the kitchen where he poured another cup of coffee. In the process of pouring, he spilled a dribble of
the coffee on the counter. "Dammit!" He
voice bellowed through the small living room.
Having sensed the stress of situation all morning, Kyle finally broke. He picked up his car and Dill and practically ran
for the stairs.
"Kyle… honey, wait." Jessica
started after him, but JC's voice cut her off.
"Jessica!" JC's face turned
red as he saw her standing right in front of him.
"You don't need to shout, I'm right here."
"Where are the towels? I can't
find any fucking towels." He sloshed the
cup around again, making a bigger mess. "Dammit!"
"They're in the second drawer down. Right
– no right there by the – JC stop. Listen
to what I'm saying. They're in the second
drawer down on the – " JC slammed
the drawer shut and stepped back. With a soft
sigh, Jessica stepped forward and opened the drawer to the left of the sink. "Here."
JC took the towel and quickly mopped up the mess on the counter, not daring to meet
Jessica's eyes. She licked her lips and
frowned then took the cordless phone to the front room and dialed Lance and Amy's number
from memory. As it rang in her ear she prayed
that they'd be home. If they weren't she
didn't know who else she could call.
Just before the machine picked up, Amy answered.
"Hey Jace! Long time no
talk."
"Amy? Hey, this is Jessica." She said softly.
"Hey! I didn't know you were in
town! How's it
going?" Amy smiled at the sound of her
friend's voice.
"Not good. It's a long story, but
do you think you or Lance come and get Kyle and keep him for the afternoon? Just like, a couple hours?" Jessica pursed her lips as she leaned against the
wall trying to keep her voice down. She ran
her fingernail over frame of a picture and furrowed her brow. "Please?"
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." Jessica said quickly. "I'll explain later, but just… can you? JC really needs some time right now and it'd be
better if Kyle wasn't here."
"Jessica… are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm sure." Jessica
nodded and tried to sound more sure than she was. She
heard JC swear as he dropped something solid in the kitchen.
"Lori called today, that Kyle's mom, and it's not good. JC's going to blow his top here in about two
minutes and Kyle does not need to be here to see
that. Can you please come and get him? I'd bring him but I -"
"No, no of course. I'll be there
as soon as I can." Amy said reassuringly. "I'm sorry, I'll leave right now. Do you want to meet me by the curb?"
"Yeah. I'll get Kyle and wait. Thank you Amy."
"No problem." Amy hung up the
phone and launched into action.
Jessica ran up the stairs to Kyle’s room and slowly pushed his door open,
"Hey kiddo, are you okay?" She asked
softly.
"Daddy say bad word."
"Yeah, he's saying some bad words today, huh?" Jessica sat beside him on his bed and pulled him
onto her lap. "He's not mad at you
sweetie, he's just having a really bad day."
"Yeah."
"But you know what? I called Amy
and she's going to come and get you so you can go to her house." Jessica smiled and bounced him on her knee. "Does that sound like fun?"
"And Laaaance?"
"Yep, Lance will be there too."
"And Jaxo and Lex?"
"The dogs too." She smiled
and stood him on the floor. "Why don't we
get your bag ready? You can put Lello and Dill
in there and maybe a book?"
"Kay." Kyle grabbed Lello off
the floor and placed him on top of his backpack while Jessica opened his drawers. She chose clean clothes just in case and put them
in the backpack as well.
"Okay, wait here for a minute. I'll
be right back, okay?"
"Kay." Kyle scooted back on
the bed to get his favorite book from under his pillow.
Jessica quietly went back down the stairs to the kitchen to get some snacks for
Kyle to take with him. Through the windows to
the backyard she saw JC sweeping the pool cleaner over the top of the water to get the
stray leaves out. The tautness of his muscles
and the firm frown on his face showed that he was trying to relieve the anger any way he
could. If he took it out on the pool cleaner,
no one would get hurt.
With a few packets of fruit snacks and a baggie of goldfish crackers, Jessica went
back upstairs to Kyle's room. "There you
go; you've got some snacks there. You're
ready."
"Candy can see Jaxo and Lex?
"No, Candy is going to stay here with me and your daddy."
"Kay. And I can go see a doggie
now?"
"Yep. Let's go wait for Amy." She took Kyle's hand and dropped the backpack over
her shoulder. They went through the garage to
get Kyle's car seat before they walked out to the front of the house and stood at the end
of JC's driveway. For ten minutes they waited
until Jessica saw Amy's little car coming up the street.
"There she is."
"Jessi you come wiss me?" Kyle
squinted up at Jessica.
"Nope, I'm going to stay here with daddy and talk to him about using bad
words."
"Kay." Kyle nodded and sighed
as Amy pulled to a stop and got out.
"Hey guys." She smiled and
walked around the front of her car, leaving it running by the curb.
"Hey." Jessica hugged her
quickly and handed off Kyle's bag.
"Hey Kyle, what's up big guy?"
"Daddy say a word is bad." Kyle
waited as Jessica placed his car seat in the back of Amy's car.
"JC has a potty mouth." Jessica
smiled slightly and lifted Kyle into his seat. "Thank
you so much."
"No problem, really."
"He's got his snacks and everything in his bag there, and stickers and…
well he's got everything he needs." Jessica
placed her hands on her hips and exhaled heavily. "Be
good over at Lance and Amy's, okay?"
"Kay." Kyle giggled.
"Okay." Jessica leaned in and
kissed his cheek. She stood up and shut the
door as she turned to Amy. "I'll uh…
we'll come and get him a little later, but I don't… I'm not sure when."
"Don't worry about it." Amy
shook her head. "He can stay the night if
he needs to, really. It's not a problem. We were just going to rent a video and hang
out."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Amy smiled then
gave her another hug. "Are things okay
though? With you guys?"
"Yeah." Jessica nodded
against Amy's shoulder. "This is all
about Lori… I'm sure you'll hear all about it later."
"Okay. Well give us a call if you
want to come get him or if you want us to bring him back."
"I will. Thanks again." Jessica waved as Amy got back in the car and turned
around in her seat to say something to Kyle. Kyle
smiled and waved, then made a face at Jessica as they pulled away from the curb.
With a soft sigh Jessica shoved her hands in her pockets and walked back up to the
house. As soon as she pushed the door open she
heard JC calling for Kyle. "Kyle!" He stood near the top of the stairs as he shouted. "Kyle! Come
down here."
"He's not here." Jessica said
softly as she walked up the stairs and stood a few steps behind him.
"What?" He whipped around
causing his hair to bounce in an almost comedic way.
"He's not here." She repeated
as she fidgeted with her hands.
"Where is he?"
"I had Amy come by and get him." Jessica
said nervously. "He's going to hang out
over there today." She licked her lips
and dropped her eyes. "You just… JC
you need to let this out and it'd be better if Kyle wasn't here."
"What do I have to let out Jess? What?" He demanded as he stomped down the three steps to
the landing then brushed past her.
"You're mad JC… and you have every reason to be." She followed behind him to the living room.
"You're damn right I'm mad. I'm pissed off, that's what I am. And the only person who deserves this is fucking
Lori and she's too caught up in her own little world to come here so I can let her have it."
JC's hands flew up as he ran them through his hair, tugging harder than he
intended.
"JC you have to find another way to get this out because you're scaring me,
and you're scaring Kyle. That's why he was
upstairs in his room."
"I didn't scare him." JC
rolled his eyes.
"Yeah you did. You were yelling in
the kitchen and that scared him." Jessica
nodded as she took a step back against the wall.
"Shit." JC brought his hands
up to cover his eyes as he pressed hard. "Jessica,
I just don’t know what to do."
"JC… you don't have to do anything right now. You're doing fine; you just need to step away for a
minute."
"I need to beat the shit out of something."
He curled his hands into fists against his eyes, then lowered them to his sides. "For real.
I never understood why guys would have a full gym in their house, but right now all
I need is a fucking punching bag."
"You've got a couch." Jessica
looked over at the couch behind him. "You
could start there."
"No, I'm gonna have to break stuff."
JC's hands shook. "Jesus, I didn't
know I was this mad."
"You've gotta let this out JC, or else you'll blow up around Kyle…
and…"
"I would never hurt him." He
glared up at her without raising his head.
"I know you wouldn't." She
said quickly as she took a step forward. "I
know you would never do that JC, that's not what I mean.
If you blow up around Kyle that will scare him to death. He doesn't know that you're not mad at
him…"
"I don't need this." JC lowered his voice.
"But what the fuck am I supposed to do? I
mean, I can't control this. I can't control
any part of this. Any part that I thought I could control, I've just been told that
I can't. All
I wanted was for her to be the mom she promised she would be. She promised
when she was here last time that she was going to try, well this isn't fucking
trying!" His voice grew louder as he
continued. "She's so selfish! I swear to God, she has no clue what she's doing. This little decision of hers isn't just affecting
her life. No… it's screwing with my life
and with Kyle's. Why can't she see that doing
this goes farther than just her own little peach colored world?" He was shouting by the time he finished, with his
hands waving through the air.
Jessica took a step back, then a deep breath. "JC,
I -"
"I mean come on. You've known him
for what? Six months? Maybe a little longer or whatever but still. You've known him for six months and you're more of a mother to him
that she ever was. Ever. I
don't care about those two years she raised him. I
mean, who knows if she raised him then anyway? She
can't deal with it now, how could she have dealt with it for two years on her own? She's so full of shit, I swear. I just want to grab her and shake her as hard as I
can." JC grabbed the coffee mug off the
counter, raised it above his head and threw it onto the floor, sending ceramic pieces and
coffee all over the floor.
Jessica flinched away and tried to catch her breath.
Letting it all out was what JC needed, but she wasn't expecting an all out tirade. Rather than say or do anything to stop him she
snapped her mouth shut and let him continue.
JC pulled open the kitchen cupboard and pulled out two more coffee mugs and threw
them to the floor. "This is
ridiculous!" He shouted. "I hate her.
I hate her for everything. For the last
six months. I.
Hate. Her." He pounded his fists on the countertop causing the
toaster to jump. "I should have taken
Kyle when this whole thing started and just left. When
I was given custody I should have just not let her see him.
Dammit, if I had known then that she would completely screw him over like this I
never would have let her see him. Never. She
doesn't deserve to see him at all. I want to
take those two years away from her. She
doesn't deserve to have anything… anything
that Kyle might have given her. I want her to
agonize every day over him. For the rest of
her life I want her to know that she has ruined everything.
I want her to feel exactly what Kyle
feels when he finds out that his own mother didn't want him.
I want her to feel what that feels like for him, times… times a billion… every day of her life."
His face was red and his words were muddled by the volume of his rage. He turned to Jessica who was pressed against the
wall wondering just what kind of beast she'd set loose.
"You're a woman, how can she do this? How
can a mother turn away from her son?"
"I don't know." She said
softly as she shook her head.
"How can she just leave? She seemed like she wanted to fight for him and
then now out of nowhere she just ditches him? I
don't get it. I will never, ever understand that." His voice cracked slightly as he exhaled sharply
and put his hands on his hips. He stood in
silence for a minute and tried to catch his breath. Slowly,
he leaned back against the counter and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. "My God Jessica… how did this
happen?" His voice was barely above a
whisper. "How did I get so mad?"
Jessica knelt beside him and carefully placed her hand on his knee. "You've been saving it up Jace. Since the beginning."
"But…"
"But you've never been able to really let it go.
You've been worried about Kyle or me or the guys… you haven't taken the time
to realize what it was doing to you."
"I hate her Jessica. I've never
hated anyone before." His hands shook slightly as she turned and sat
beside him to hold his hand. JC's arms wrapped around her and they held each other
awkwardly on the floor amidst the broken coffee mugs.
Without warning Jessica felt JC's body shuddering against her chest. He was crying and clinging to her like a lost
child. "Jace, listen to me. This… this is a shock, okay? You are going to be alright. You and Kyle, you'll both be okay. You just need to get through this first part." She stroked his head and kissed his temple. They sat there for a long while until JC took a
deep breath and let it out against her shoulder.
"I'm sorry." He swiped his
fingers under his red eyes.
"Don't apologize." Jessica
shook her head.
"I… I never come unglued like that."
"It's okay."
"No it's not."
"Holding it all in would have been ten times worse."
"But if Kyle had seen –"
"He didn't." Jessica reached
for his hand and he helped her stand up. "That's
why I had Amy come to get him. And now that
you've let it out we can call them."
"But…"
"Unless you're not done." She
risked a small smile.
"No, I'm done." JC smiled
back then took another deep breath. "Man,
that actually felt good."
"You have every right to be upset, JC."
He nodded solemnly. "I know. But… but I'm not really. I'm not mad, I'm just… I'm scared and
frustrated and confused. I don't understand
how she could do this and I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I mean, this wasn't ever anything that I could have
planned for."
"No, I'm sure it's not."
"But it's nothing I can change either. I
have to make the best of what I've got."
"And that shouldn't be hard because what you've got is a great kid who loves
you more than anything. Plus a strong support
base and family and… everything. JC, Kyle
will never have to wonder if he's loved."
"But will that be enough? Will
having me and everyone I know love him be enough to fill up the hole of having his mom
leave him?"
Jessica pursed her lips and frowned, "You'll find a way."
"I have no idea what to tell him."
"You don't have to tell him anything just yet.
He probably won't even notice for another couple weeks. You'll have time to think
about it, don't worry."
"Can we go get him? I just… I
want to; I need to have him here."
"Sure. Absolutely. I'll clean this up; you go change your
clothes." Jessica nodded and tried to
smile as he gave her a confused look. "You've
got coffee all over your pants."
"Oh." JC's gaze dropped to
his pants and he smiled sadly, "Yeah. I'll
change."
"Make it snappy." Jessica
opened the pantry and got the little hand broom out to sweep up the heavy shards of
ceramic dishware before they left.
A half hour later, Jessica's hand squeezed JC's as they walked up the driveway to
Lance's front door. The motion detectors
caused the large flood lights to come on as they got to the
porch, though it wasn't quite dark enough to need them.
"Thank you Jess."
"You're welcome." She said
softly.
"Did you tell them?"
"No."
"Okay." He nodded and raised
his hand to knock. After a minute they heard
the dogs barreling toward the door with Kyle's delighted squeals following them.
"Hang on, let me get it.
"Hey." JC nodded as a
greeting.
"Hey man." Lance smiled and
reached to pull the dogs back inside.
"Daddy!" Kyle jumped into
JC's arms and gave him a big hug. "Candy
not here only Jaxo and Lex."
"Candy's at home waiting for you." JC
smiled and ruffled Kyle's hair before he moved him to his other hip and followed Lance
into the house. "How was he?"
"Perfect, of course."
"Of course." JC rolled his
eyes.
"So is everything…okay?" Lance
asked cautiously.
JC pursed his lips and shrugged. "Not
really, no."
"What's going on? Amy just said
that Lori called today and that you needed some time alone or something." Lance led the way to the family room where the dogs
immediately dove for their soft beds in the corner.
"She… yeah she called today kind of.
To talk to Kyle. She's… she signed
away her parental rights, completely." JC
explained softly, as if there were a chance that Kyle would understand what he was saying.
"What?" Lance gave him a
disgusted look. "Can she do that?"
"Yeah."
"So do you have to go to court?"
"Nope. No, that wouldn't matter. She just has to sign the paper and… you
know."
"Can the judge can still say no?" Lance
asked.
"He could, yeah." JC shrugged
and sighed. "But… but I mean what
difference would that make? He can't make her take an interest or anything."
"Damn…"
"Yeah."
"So… so that's it then? She's
-"
"Officially out of the picture." JC
nodded. "And of course there's more to it
than just that. But yeah."
"Wow. That's… that's huge."
"I know."
"Chris is gonna go through the roof."
Lance smiled and shook his head. "Did
you tell him yet?"
"I haven't told anyone yet. Just
you guys." JC looked around at the adults
in the room. "And I'd… you
know…"
"Enough said. We won't say a
word." Lance shook his head, knowing that
was what JC was getting at.
"Well hey, if you want us to watch him tomorrow or over the
next few days at all, just call. We've got
nothing planned till next weekend." Amy
offered from across the room. She stood beside
Jessica to let the guys talk. There was
something special that they shared and sometimes everyone else had to step back and let
them do their thing.
"It's okay. Thanks guys." JC smiled and brought Kyle's cheek closer to give
him a kiss. "We should get going."
"Call if you need anything." Lance
said as he walked them to the door.
"We will. Thanks." Jessica gave him a quick hug before they left.
Kyle chattered the whole way home about his afternoon, though Jessica and JC only
understood about half of what he was saying. It
was clear that he had fun, and knowing that much made JC relax a little. He knew that if he could get through that first
day, he'd be much better off. With a quick
glance at the clock, he knew he could hold out for a few more hours, then he'd be in bed
with Jessica and nothing could be wrong about that.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To keep with the mood, a harsh winter storm struck almost all of
The weather didn't clear up until Thursday, the day Jessica was set to leave; and
the day Lori was going to court. "Figures." JC grumbled as he looked out the bedroom window to
the clear blue sky.
"Hmm?" Jessica's voice echoed
in the bathroom.
"It's a gorgeous day today. No
more rain clouds."
"Perfect timing." She stepped
out of the bathroom with her little travel bag of toiletries. "Do you mind if I leave this here?"
JC turned from the window to look at what she was asking. "You won't need it?"
Jessica shook her head, she had duplicates at home.
With as much as she traveled she always kept a spare set handy. "No. And
I'll be back next week anyway."
"Sure." JC raised his hands
to the top of the window frame, stretching his back and shoulders. Every part of him wanted to tell her to leave
everything there, to move in right now, to not even go back to
"I'm almost packed. Are you about
ready to go?" She let her eyes canvas his
bare back.
"Yeah." He sighed and dropped
his arms. "Whenever you are." There was nothing anyone could say or do that could
turn his day around. To keep his mind off of
Lori, he'd spent the week thinking about Jessica, but Jessica was leaving… so even
that didn't help.
"I'm ready." Jessica reached
for her bag, smiling as she noticed it was lighter. Each
time she came she tended to leave behind more and more things. She rationalized it by saying it would save her
packing the same things the next week, but inside she knew that wasn't the real reason.
JC collected Kyle from his room and after only one small argument; they all got in
the car and headed for the airport. Kyle
pouted the whole way with his arms crossed over his chest and a deep frown settled in his
brow. "What's wrong?" Jessica whispered with a quick glance to the back
seat.
"He didn't want to come with us; he wanted to play with Candy."
"Oh."
"She's all muddy though."
"From the rain." Jessica
nodded.
"He'll be fine." JC forced a
smile as they pulled off the freeway at the airport.
When they pulled up to the curb Kyle grudgingly said goodbye to Jessica and gave
her a quick kiss before returning to his quiet pout. JC
unloaded her bag from the back of the car then stood on the curb as Jessica walked around
to his side. "Thanks." She said as she took the bag from his hand.
"No problem." He mumbled as he shuffled his feet. His mind had been a whirlwind of emotions since the
call on Saturday and Jessica was the only thing he felt that was keeping him together. Watching her leave was going to be a test of his
will. In one swift movement JC wrapped one arm
around Jessica's shoulders and out his free hand in hers.
"I wish you didn't have to leave." JC
said, holding her tighter than usual.
"I know." Jessica nodded and
lowered her cheek to JC's chest. "But my
family is doing Christmas this weekend."
"I know." JC kissed the top
of her head and sighed softly, not quite ready to let go.
"I can wish though."
"Yes. You can." She turned her head to kiss him softly. "I'll be back on Tuesday. We'll have a great Christmas together. Just us."
"You, me and Kyle."
"Right."
JC closed his eyes and smiled, "Sounds perfect."
"It will be."
He kissed her again and ran his hands up to her shoulders, "I love you."
"I love you too." Jessica
smiled and hoisted her bag up to her shoulder. "But
I'm going to miss my plane if I don't go."
"I know." JC reluctantly let
go of her hand. "Call me when you get
home."
"I will."
"And send me your flight information for next week."
"I will." She pulled herself a way and hauled her suitcase
toward the entrance.
"Bye." JC said softly, barely
audible from ten feet away.
"Bye." Jessica smiled back
and waved before disappearing into the crowd of people heading off for the holidays. As soon as she settled herself on the plane a short
while later, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
All of a sudden it seemed like all of her plans were put on hold while her mind
whirled with all of the possible outcomes.
Lori had, once again, found a way to completely change Jessica's outlook on her
future.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So? What did he say?" Katie asked as soon as she walked in the door and
saw Jessica sitting in the burgundy recliner.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"I didn't tell him."
"What? Why not? What happened?"
Jessica sighed and tucked her legs up under her in the recliner chair. "All hell broke lose on Saturday when I was
planning on telling him." She frowned and
shook her head, "I had it all planned to. I
was ready. Then Lori called and," Jessica shrugged, "everything hit the
fan."
"Who's Lori?"
"Kyle's mom."
"What'd she say?"
"It's a big, long, ugly story."
"Meaning it's private and you don't want to say anything?" Katie asked with a knowing smile.
"Yeah. Let's just say that the
last thing on JC's mind is whether or not his girlfriend is moving into his house."
"But everything is okay now, right?"
"I don’t know."
"She's not going to take Kyle is she?"
"No." Jessica shook her head,
"Just the opposite in fact." She
thought for a moment then ran her hands through her hair.
She needed to vent to someone. "You
can't say a word to anyone, and I mean it."
"I won't."
"The other guys don't even know yet, so you really, really can't say anything."
"Who am I gonna tell?" Katie
rolled her eyes.
Jessica paused, waiting to change her mind. "Lori
gave up her parental rights to Kyle. So
JC… well it's a lot to deal with."
"Sheesh, from what I've heard that'd be a good thing. Wouldn't it?"
"That's kind of a weird thing. It's
good in the fact that now JC doesn't have to worry about whether or not she'll make her
calls or visit him or whatever. On the other
hand, what is Kyle going to think? I think
JC's just really upset for Kyle, since he's only two and doesn't have any idea what's
going on. You know?"
"Yeah."
"So now he's got to do the whole lawyer thing and he's just stressed to his
eyeballs."
"Are you going back?"
"Yeah. I'm doing Christmas with my
parents this weekend and then I'll be back in
"For good?"
Jessica let a little smile slip, "Yeah. Probably. When I get back things will have hopefully been
settled and I can just let him know then."
"That'd be cool. A good thing to
cushion the bad thing, right?"
"Something like that."
"Awesome."
"Have you thought about finding another room mate?"
"Nah. I was waiting until I knew
when you were going to leave. At the rate you
were going it could have been months." Katie
laughed and fell onto the couch beside Jessica's chair.
"Marissa at work said she was looking for something for January though, so
maybe I'll talk to her. She's cool."
"Yeah?"
"I mean. She doesn't have the boy
band connections like you do, but, " She
shrugged and laughed, "she'll do."
"You won't be losing my connections. I'll
just be a phone call away. And every time
we're in the area I'll hook you up if I can."
"You better!" Katie took the
remote from Jessica and sighed, "So. What
are we watching?" And with that they
settled into their comfortable routine, something that Jessica would miss terribly when
she moved to
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
From Friday afternoon until Saturday morning, JC's stomach was in knots. He ate hardly anything and found himself being
short with Kyle. Thursday was the magic day,
the day that Lori was sitting in front of a judge and giving up any right she had for
Kyle. They tried to keep busy so that JC's
mind wouldn't keep going back to that, but nothing seemed to help.
On Saturday morning, JC anxiously waited for George's call. He should have the paperwork for JC before noon,
but somewhere in JC's mind he let himself wonder what would happen if the judge didn't
allow her to give up her rights. JC knew that
wasn't even really a possibility, but he held on to what little hope he had until the
phone rang with the news.
"Hey JC, this is George Moreno." He
cleared his throat, and JC knew that he had his answer.
"Hey, hi George."
"How are you doing?" George
asked.
"I'm doing good." JC
scratched at his jaw. "What's up?" He didn't need to ask, he knew why the lawyer was
calling.
"I got the paperwork from Ms. Garrison last night."
"Okay."
"Did you want to swing by today to go over it?
"I… sure."
"We can do it whenever you want. If
you want to set up an appointment for next week…"
"No, no today's good. I just want
to get it over with."
"Of course you do." George
nodded. "Well I'll be here all day. The office is technically closed, but come on by
and we'll do this."
"Okay. I'll uh… can I come by
at eleven?" He glanced at his watch,
calculating the time he'd need to get Kyle ready and drop him off at a sitters.
"Eleven is fine. I'll see you
then, JC."
"Okay, thanks George."
"Anytime."
JC hung up and looked down at Kyle. "Okay
kid. We need to find someone to watch
you."
"You can see me?" Kyle cocked
his head to the side and furrowed his tiny brow.
"I w – yeah I can see you." JC
frowned back at the little boy. "Oh." He laughed and bent to pick Kyle up. "Yeah I can see you, but I have to go to an
appointment so I need to see if Lance and Amy can watch you."
"I can go wiss you?"
"Nope, not this time."
"Yeah."
"Can't do it, buddy. But when I'm
done with the appointment we can go to McDonalds and get you a happy meal. How does that sound?"
Kyle sighed and tried to roll his eyes. "Okay." He wiggled from JC's arms and went to his basket of
toys beside the TV. "You cawin dem. I have Dill."
Kyle lifted his stuffed crocodile from the basket and headed for the stairs.
"All righty then." JC said
softly as he smiled and watched Kyle for a minute. With
a soft sigh he picked up his cordless and dialed Lance's house. On the second ring he remembered that they were
going out of town for the weekend. "Crap." He muttered under his breath, wracking his brain to
find someone who would be in town that weekend.
JC's brow crinkled in frustration, he couldn't remember anyone else's schedule when
he used to be on top of everything. He dialed
Chris' number because it came up first on speed dial, and waited as it rang in his ear. "Hey, you busy?" JC asked when Chris answered the phone.
"Not really. Why? What's up?"
Chris asked. No introductions were
necessary.
"I've uh... I've got to run an errand and I was hoping maybe you'd keep an eye
on Kyle for me?"
Chris paused, "For how long?"
"Two hours. Tops."
"Oh sure. Yeah I was thinking you
meant like, all day."
"No. No I just have to do
something real quick. It shouldn't take too
long." JC put a bag of crackers into
Kyle's backpack.
"Sure. You wanna bring him over
here?"
"Yeah."
"Cool. When will you be
here?"
"In a half hour? Is that
cool?"
"That works for me. I'd better put
my porn away, huh?" Chris laughed.
"Um, yeah." JC laughed back. "I'll pack a movie and you guys can just watch
that till I get back."
"I've got kid movies. Just bring
him here, I'll find some way to entertain him."
"Okay, thanks Chris."
"No worries." Chris laughed
then hung up, leaving JC holding the dead phone in one hand and a juice box in the other.
"Hey Kyle! Are you ready to
go?" JC shouted toward the stairs.
"Yeah!" Kyle shouted back
from two steps behind JC.
"Whoa, there you are. I thought
you were upstairs." JC laughed and turned
around to pick Kyle up. "You're a sneaky
little dude."
"Yeah." Kyle giggled. "I can see Laaaance?"
"Nope, you're going to go hang out with Chris for a little bit."
"Joey?"
"No, Chris."
"Jussin?" Kyle looked
hopeful.
"Dude. You like Chris, what's up
with that?"
Kyle sighed and used his whole hand to brush his hair out of his eyes. "I lie Chris daddy."
"I know you do. So why don't you
want to see him?"
"I see Chris. I can see Joey and
Jussin?" Kyle asked. "And Laaance?" He added as an afterthought.
"You want to see them all?"
"Yeah."
"We haven't been together in a while, have we?" JC asked rhetorically. "I'll tell you what, you can go see Chris
today and then for your birthday you can see them all together."
"Is sink?"
JC blinked and smiled, "Yeah. Yeah
when we're all together we're Nsync."
"Dats cool daddy."
He laughed and set the phone back in the charger as he bounced Kyle on his hip. "Yeah, that's pretty cool."
"I sink?"
"Um. Not exactly."
"Yeah daddy. I sink."
"Okay. You can be Nsync too." JC kissed Kyle's cheek. "Let's go to Chris' house now. I've got an appointment and I can't be late."
"Uh oh."
"Uh oh is right, buddy. We've
gotta go." He grabbed his keys and they
headed out, showing up at Chris' house only ten minutes before JC was supposed to be at
George's office.
"Hey!" Chris cheered as he
pulled the door open. "It's my most
favorite kid in the whole wide world. What's
up Kyle?" Chris grabbed him from JC's
arms, completely ignoring the adult in the doorway.
"Hey man, I'm running late." JC tried to explain.
"As usual." Chris rolled his
eyes and looked at JC. "So go already. Don't let me hold you up."
"His snacks are in the bag. And
stickers and… and his toys."
"Cool."
"He had breakfast so he should be –"
"I'll feed him if he says he's hungry."
"And he's usually pretty good about telling you he has to –"
"I'll make sure he pees."
"In the toilet." JC specified.
"In the toilet." Chris sighed and rolled his eyes. "Go on Mr. I'm-in-a-hurry."
"I won't be long."
"Don't worry about it."
"Bye Kyle."
"Bye bye!" Kyle screeched as
Chris flipped him upside down to tickle his tummy.
"Be good."
"Kay!" Kyle laughed as Chris'
fingers wiggled up his side.
"You too, Chris."
"Okay!" Chris mimicked Kyle's
enthusiasm as they raced toward the den at the far end of the living room.
"Okay." JC muttered under his
breath as he let himself out and trotted to his car. He
had less than five minutes to drive the fifteen miles to George's office. As he pulled out of Chris' driveway he called
George to let him know he was running late, and then he turned the music up and tried to
clear his head before he got there. The last
thing he wasn't was to have another breakdown with his lawyer as his audience.
When JC got there, George was waiting with the door open and his paperwork stacked
neatly around the edges of his desk. "Hey
Jace, it's good to see you again."
"H-hi." JC stuttered as he
shook George's hand.
"How's Kyle doing?"
"He's good." JC nodded.
"And you?"
"I'm alright." He forced a
smile, then sat in the deep leather chair across from George's. "Do… she sent the paperwork?"
"Yeah." George looked around
his desk for a minute, almost looking lost, before his eyebrows shot up and he smiled. "Here you go." George handed JC the large manila envelope and
nodded, "This is for you. I've made a
copy of the legal documentation, but the originals are in there. You're going to want to get a copy made and put
those in a safe deposit box or something." George
nodded at the envelope. "All of that."
"Okay." JC nodded and tucked
the envelope under his arm. He didn't want to
open it in front of anyone because without knowing what was in it, he didn't know how he'd
react.
"Why don't you take a look so I can say I covered you on everything?" George said softly as he tapped the tips of his
fingers together.
JC frowned slightly and pondered his next move.
If George needed to cover him, then he felt he should go ahead and open it. But if it was going to unleash the anger he'd felt
earlier in the week he wasn't sure if he wanted his lawyer to witness that. "I… sure, yeah…" JC slowly opened the clasp and pulled out a thick
stack of papers. "There's a lot
here." He said as a smaller, sealed
envelope fell into his lap. "What's
this?"
"It's addressed to Kyle."
"The letter she wrote him?"
"That'd be my guess."
JC held his breath for a moment as he set the smaller envelope on the corner of
George's desk. He rifled through the other
pages then stopped and pulled one to the front. "His
birth certificate?"
"Yeah, that's the original."
"Wow." JC read it over
quickly, seeing where in the space for the father's information only one word was typed. "Unknown? It says his father is unknown?" JC looked up quickly.
"What… how do I…?"
"The amended certificate is in there as well, with the DNA results. That's what we used to get his passport." George said.
"Yeah but… but she never put my name on here?"
"No."
"So he never would have known?"
"No."
"Oh my God." JC whispered as his mouth went dry. "Kyle
James Sczlansky. And
his… his social security card is here too?"
"Yes, I attached it to the birth certificate so it wouldn't get lost in the
shuffle."
"Sczlansky? But when… when we
went to the doctors and everything his last name was Chasez." JC looked up at George.
"When we went to
court last time, one of the conditions was that his name be changed to Chasez. You signed the paper for the name change last
time."
"I did?"
"Yep. And Lori approved it. The change is there." He needed to the papers in JC's hand.
"Oh." He flipped to the next
page and saw the amended birth certificate with his name in the box for 'father' and his signature on the bottom. He
didn't remember signing it, but at the time he was sure he had a lot on his mind. "What's the rest of this stuff?"
"His immunization records, pediatric dental chart, things like that. It's everything that she had that you might need
for Kyle."
JC looked down at the papers in his hand again.
"So this is it?" He fanned
the papers with his thumb. "In two years,
this is it?"
"Kids don't generate that much paperwork."
George shrugged.
"Yeah but… what about his check ups and stuff. Don't you… I mean, don't parents have that
information?"
"Not usually." George shook
his head. "Kids go to the doctor all the
time."
JC frowned, "I have all of his paperwork from when we went to the hospital. Just in case I needed it or whatever."
"Good, then you'll be a good record keeper." He smiled. "But
anything before you got him is going to be scarce. This
is all she sent, and probably all she had."
"What's this?" JC held up
another envelope about half the size of the large one.
"Photos."
JC's stomach dropped. "Photos of
what?"
"Kyle."
"And Lori?"
"I didn't look through them; I just opened it and saw that it was
photos." George explained.
"Okay." JC mumbled as he
poured the pictures into his hand. He flipped
through them slowly. They weren't in any kind
of order but the first one was of a very naked, red and screaming Kyle on a metal scale
covered with a blue sheet. He couldn't have
been more than a few minutes old when it was taken and JC's heart skipped a beat as he
looked at the digital read out on the scale. Six
pounds, three ounces.
The next few pictures showed him on his first birthday. A chocolate cupcake with a single candle sitting on
the table in front of Kyle with his eyes open wide, sitting on someone’s lap. As JC
looked through the pictures he saw a resemblance between the little boy in the pictures
and toddler pictures of himself. "Oh
man." JC laughed and held up a picture of
Kyle sitting in a diaper on a patch of grass with a matchbox car in his mouth. "My mom has one just like this of me." JC laughed and showed George the picture. "Only I'm wearing a shirt. How weird is that?"
"I think we all have pictures like that."
George smiled.
"Yeah." JC said softly before
he reluctantly slid the pictures back in the envelope.
He'd look at them later when he could do it in private.
"She also sent a sealed letter to you. Ms.
Garrison said that I was to hold it until you wanted to see it, so I… well I have
that as well."
"It's not in here?"
"No." George shook his head. "She wanted me to let you know that I have it
in case you want to see it. I guess she
thought if it was in there you'd think you had to read it."
"I…" JC bit his lip and
frowned at the envelope in his hand. "Yeah,
I'll take it now." He carefully slid the
birth certificate and photos back into the large envelope leaving only one small set of
documents in his hand. "So this is
it?" He waved the form.
"That is her petition to terminate her parental rights." George nodded.
"Signed by herself, the judge and two witnesses."
JC pursed his lips and sighed through his nose.
For almost a week he'd had a sick feeling in his stomach about seeing the words in
black and white. He sat there for a moment and
quickly skimmed it, passing over the legal jargon and skipping right to the bottom. "So this is all I'll ever need?"
"I don't foresee you needing that documentation unless she makes an appearance
down the road and wants to make claim rights as a parent or go back to court."
"But for school or whatever?"
"No." George shook his head. "There are millions of single parent families
out there. You won't need to provide any kind
of explanation or anything like that. This is
your private business."
"Nothing with me is private."
"I'm just saying, this isn't something you need to keep handy. Lock it up in a safe place and forget about
it."
JC nodded wordlessly. Holding that
paper in his hands meant that everything was final. Kyle
was his, and only his. Lori was now a stranger. "Thanks George." JC looked up at his lawyer and slid the papers into
the envelope. "You know… for
everything."
"It's been one hell of a year, kid."
JC gave a short laugh, "Yeah, you can say that again."
"I'm glad things have turned out well for you."
"Well…" JC shrugged and
closed the flap on the envelope. "Yeah, I
guess since if things went the other way I wouldn't have Kyle at all."
"Right."
"I'm glad I have him."
"I know you are." George
tapped papers into place. "And I know
this doesn't have anything to do with this," He nodded at the envelope in JC's hand,
"but seeing as how you're his only legal guardian, you might want to draw up papers
naming and alternate guardian should anything happen to you."
"Like… a will?"
George nodded, "That too."
"Do you think…?"
"I think it's wise to have one. Especially
now that you have a child. You'll want to make
sure he's taken care of."
"Of course." JC nodded
emphatically. "I'll uh… I'll have to
do that." He pursed his lips and breathed
lightly through his nose. "Can you do
that?"
"Sure. But not right now. You'll want to think about it, I'm sure. We can work everything out after the New Year. I can even come to your house and get everything
taken care of."
"Okay." JC looked around the
neat office. "I just…" He started to say he just wanted Lori there too,
but that was a moot point. "Thanks
George. Seriously, if it wasn't for you I
don't think I'd be half as sane as I am today. You've
helped me so much with everything here."
"It was no problem, JC." George
stood up at the same time JC did and reached across the desk to shake his hand.
"I'll call you in a few weeks."
"Sounds good." George smiled,
"I'll see you then."
"Bye." JC managed a small
smile as he headed for the door.
After more than an hour inside the dim office, the sunlight outside was almost
blinding. As he exited the office, JC
took a deep breath of the cool and damp air, letting it fill his lungs and sting his nose. He took a few silent minutes before he climbed in
his car and headed back to reality. In the
early afternoon light, JC closed his eyes and tilted his head back. His life had just changed irrevocably and though
he'd had a week to get used to the idea… it was finally real.
He listened to the few cars on the street and a radio from an office nearby. A car alarm sounded from the parking lot across the
street as JC opened his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. "I really do need a haircut." He thought to himself as he tucked the envelope
under his arm and fished in his pockets for his car keys.
The drive back to Chris' seemed to take forever with the sudden afternoon traffic
on the main road. By the time he got there he
had made up his mind about Kyle's guardians if something should happen to him. He thought it would be a hard decision, but when it
came down to it, it was easy. JC smiled as he
pulled up in Chris' driveway and killed the engine. He
trotted to the front door and knocked before letting himself in.
The sound of laughter and happy squealing soared through the house from Chris' den. JC followed the sound and stood in the doorway
watching whatever game it was they'd invented in the short time he was gone.
"Dive bomber!" Chris tossed
Kyle into a pile of couch cushions, blankets and pillows then laughed as the little boy
disappeared between them. "This
is the best game ever."
"When you're three." JC
laughed and shook his head, announcing his presence.
Chris turned to look over his shoulder, nodding his greeting. "What're you saying?" He asked as Kyle crawled out of the blankets and up
Chris' body while laughing hysterically.
"Nothing." JC laughed as Chris spun around and threw Kyle again, the
squeals of the little boy were lost in the mound of pillows.
"You saying I'm three?"
"Something like that."
"Yeah okay." Chris rolled his
eyes and stretched his arms over his head. "Man,
I'm not feeling like I'm three today. I've got
kinks all over the place."
"Well that's what happens when you're kinky." JC laughed and tucked his hands in his pockets. As long as Chris was there he knew Kyle would all
but ignore him. "So hey… there's
been some new uh… things have changed on the Lori front. That's where I was today. Kind of."
"Yeah? She decided to step up to
the plate for once?"
"Um."
"Christ, she's not moving to
"No. She's – " Kyle sprang from the pile again and crawled up
Chris' body.
Chris made airplane noises as he spun, then tossed Kyle into the mound. "Well I know you're not moving to
"No. I'm… we're not
moving." JC shook his head.
"Okay. Then what?"
"She gave up her parental rights." JC
said quickly.
"Whoa. Wait. What?" Chris
ran his hands through his sweat dampened hair and frowned at JC. "She did what?"
"She voluntarily relinquished her parental rights. She no longer has a son."
"The hell she doesn't." Chris' eyebrows shot up. "You didn't just find him under a rock you
know."
"I know."
"It took two to get him here."
"I know, Chris."
"She's trying to say she doesn't have a son?" He seemed almost amused.
"She's signed everything and the judge approved it."
"Wait." Chris stopped as Kyle
climbed up into his arms again. "Hey
buddy, go hide in the land mine, okay? My arms
are tired." He set Kyle down and gave
him a gentle push in the right direction. "So
since she doesn't want a son anymore, she just
doesn't have one? You know how many dead beat
dads out there would love to just walk into the court and say 'okay now I don't have kids. You can't make me do it!'? I mean, come on.
That's the same thing."
"Not exactly."
"Um, yes exactly."
"She, I guess she was deemed unfit."
"How many deadbeat dads are unfit?"
"It's not the same, Chris." JC
shook his head.
"It's really close to the same man. So
wait, the courts said she was unfit?"
"I… I guess. She actually
initiated it, but the courts agreed." JC
sighed and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. "So
no he's… well, he's all mine."
"Wasn't he all yours to begin with?"
"Well, no."
"I mean when you went to court the last time."
"Oh. Well yeah, I guess
technically. I had full legal and physical
custody because she didn't show up in court."
"So isn't that the same thing?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, so then why…?"
"I don't know. I mean, the way it
was she could still petition for visitation and she had a legal right to make contact with
me or whatever. But now it's like she's
nothing. She has no more rights then a
stranger."
"Dude. Someone needs to go to
freakin' LA and slap some sense into her." Chris
sighed and shook his head. "I'll
go."
"No… that's not necessary." JC
tried to suppress a smile. He knew Chris was
mostly serious.
"Whatever. That's fucked up
though. You know that, right?" Chris bit his lip and breathed out of his nose. "So I have more rights than her?"
JC shrugged one shoulder, "I… sure. I
guess."
"That's okay." Chris reached
for Kyle's single exposed ankle and yanked the little boy out as he shrieked with delight. "I'm probably better for him anyway."
Chris swung Kyle up and landed him on his hip. "Right
buddy?"
"Yeah!" Kyle shouted as Chris
tickled his sides then tossed him into the pile of cushions again.
"Yeah, speaking of that. I
uh… I have to name legal guardians for him in case…"
"In case you croak."
"Right."
"So well…" JC blushed.
"Shut up." Chris smiled and
squinted at JC. "Me?"
"Well you're one of them, yeah."
"After…"
"My parents are first, but if they're unable to take care of him I'm going to
put you and Lance."
Chris held his hands up in front of him, "Dude.
Lance is cool and all but I'm not going 'mo to raise your kid."
JC laughed; he should have expected such a reaction from Chris. "I just mean that between the two of you, you
guys will have legal guardianship of him. If
he's married or if you're married –"
"Ha."
JC grinned and continued, "Then you guys can decide to let the other with
their wife raise him… or whatever. That'll
be up to you."
"Dude. Seriously? Me?"
"You'll make a great dad someday, Chris. To
your own kids."
"Hrmph." Chris made a
discouraging sound, but was flattered just the same.
"And I'd like nothing more than to have you take care of Kyle should something
happen to me."
"That's insane."
"You're okay with it though?"
"Okay? Hell yeah I'm okay with it." Chris laughed as Kyle bounded out of the pile
again. He lifted the little boy up and kissed
his temple. "Joey and Justin will be
jealous as hell though."
"Joey is going to have a herd of his own kids someday…" JC shrugged. "And
Justin? Yeah, he doesn't needs kids. Not right now."
"Not ever."
JC shrugged again and smiled, "If you and Lance decide that Joey would be a
good dad, and I'm sure one day he will be, then you can do that. It's just up to you guys. I know you'll think everything through. Or… well… Lance will. He'll be the brains, you'll be the heart."
Chris opened his mouth to make a smart remark about being the heart, but it died on
his lips as the full impact of what JC said sunk in. He
looked at Kyle, seeing him in a whole new light. "Well…
thanks." Chris grinned up at JC.
"You're welcome." JC said
softly as he reached to mess Kyle's hair.
"Daddy I have kickin ana toy?" Kyle
asked as he wiggled to the floor.
"Y-yeah. Are you ready to go get
lunch?"
"Yeah."
"Did he eat anything?" JC
asked Chris as he looked around for Kyle's backpack.
"Um, no. He didn't say he was
hungry or anything."
"Okay." JC shrugged and
caught Chris' look with a laugh. "It's
okay Chris, he didn't have to eat."
"Okay." Chris almost looked
relieved as he fetched the backpack from under the pile of blankets. "He went to the bathroom though. Twice. And
he drank a lot of grape juice."
"Cool." JC looked down at
Kyle. "Do you have to go potty before we
go?"
"No."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah." Kyle nodded and
grabbed JC's fingers to swing on them.
"All righty, then lets get out of here."
He led Kyle toward the front door. "What
do you say to Chris?"
"Bye Chris." Kyle mumbled.
"And…?" JC prodded him
with a smile. Kyle had manners, he just needed
coaching sometimes.
"Thanks you." Kyle smiled up
at Chris and waved before pulling on his father's fingers hard enough to make them pop.
"See you later, kiddo." Chris
waved and leaned on the wall. "Have a
good lunch."
"I'll call you later." JC
said over his shoulder as Kyle pulled him out the front door, making a beeline to the car
in the driveway.
"All right. See ya." Chris went to the front door and watched them get
in the car before he shut the door and sighed heavily.
Never in a million years did he ever think he'd see his friend so domesticated, so
focused on someone else, so… paternal. Chris smiled slowly; he was glad for the change in
JC, and for the difference Kyle had made in all their lives.
Copyright ©
2002, 2003 Amy Lynn