~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lance awoke in darkness with a
strange feeling in his chest. He knew
to expect the slight burning from the incision, and maybe a bit of itching or
pressure, but this was something else.
Like a zing, or an electrical current that wasn’t uncomfortable, just… strange.
He tried to swallow but found his
windpipe solidly open with an unforgiving tube. His eyes darted from side to side as he looked through a
drug-induced haze at the myriad of machines humming and beeping around his
head. By instinct his hands moved to
reach for the obstruction in his mouth, but were stopped by the soft gauze
straps holding his wrists to the side of the bed. He began to feel the beginning tingles of panic set in when the
nurse from before appeared at his side.
"Hello there Mr. Bass, how are
you?" She asked, not expecting an
answer. "I'm Gloria, one of your
nurses here today. You're going to meet
a lot of us." She smiled and
pressed some buttons on his machines.
"Do you know where you are?"
Lance nodded slightly, then blinked
his eyes to clear his vision and tried to lift his head. "Whoops, no don't move too much around
kiddo." Gloria shook her head and
rested her hand on his arm. She was
covered completely in pale yellow coverings but he saw her eyes crinkle at the
corners as she smiled. "We really
weren't expecting you to wake up so soon, you've almost beat the
record." She glanced up at the
wall above his head as she marked the time on his chart. Her hands moved on autopilot as she
suctioned out his ventilator. "So
how are you feeling, other than trapped?
Blink three times if you're feeling fabulous, twice if you're feeling
alright and once if you're feeling terrible."
Lance's eyes closed slowly two times
and she waited for a second to see if there were going to be any more, "Great, then you're feeling just like
how you should be." She smiled
again. "And you can nod your head,
that's good. Not too much though."
Gloria grinned and turned to his
blood pressure monitor. "You're
going to feel some pressure now."
The machined tightened itself around Lance's bicep and took its
reading, "Amazing, we'll just call
you the bionic man. You're right where
you're supposed to be. Good job."
"I suppose you're wondering
when you get that crappy vent out, huh?"
Lance tried his nod again to answer,
"Well, I'd say tomorrow sometime.
Or I guess that'd be today since it's a little after three in the
morning." She laughed lightly and
went about checking the rest of his stats before she set his chart aside, "It's too soon to have it out now, but
if you can impress the doctors enough they may take it out in the afternoon,
okay?" Lance nodded again as he
tried to remember not to try to swallow.
"Wonderful, if you're doing alright then I'll leave you alone so
you can sleep." Gloria patted his
exposed hand and waited for him to nod slightly, letting her know he was
okay. He watched her leave the room
then closed his eyes and tried to relax as much as he could, then fell back to
sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Nine o'clock came sooner than any of
them wanted, but they were all in Johnny's room with their stomach in
knots. The first thing Johnny did was
update them on Lance's condition, "He woke up early this morning, but he's
still on the ventilator. When I talked
to Diane she hadn't been able to see him, but the nurses say he's looking real
good."
"So can we see him?" Chris asked.
"We'll be going to the hospital
this afternoon, yes." Johnny
nodded. He hoped the guys would be able
to see Lance, but he couldn't get a definite answer out of the hospital; it all
depended on Lance's condition.
"What are we doing this
morning?" Joey yawned.
"The four of you are expected
in Waterford Ballroom downstairs at eleven to tape an announcement for MTV and
the other media sources. I'd also like
for at least one of you to call into TRL this afternoon and talk live."
"I'll do that." Justin volunteered.
"Thanks." Johnny nodded. "I uh, I also have some paperwork that I'll need you guys to
sign, it's been faxed to your lawyers and I should have a response by this
afternoon. Then of course there's your
official business. The website, fanclub
and your own organizations. They're all
going to need some kind of comment directly from you."
"Paperwork?" JC asked with a confused look.
"Yes." Johnny cleared his throat and reached for a
small packet of papers at his side.
"It's just a technicality really from Jive."
"Wait, what kind of paperwork?" JC raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms
over his chest in one swift and defiant move.
"An amendment to your current
contract."
"Why?"
"Because we're canceling your
tour and that goes against the contract.
All it says is that you acknowledge that the tour is a contracted event
and that you understand that the tour will still be part of the contract that
you've signed."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning that even though this
tour is canceled, you still owe Jive a tour."
"Right." JC nodded.
"But not until Lance is back up and running."
"Of course not." Johnny shook his head. "It's just an amendment to cover
everyone's butts. Jive doesn't want you
coming back saying you don't owe them a tour because you did part of one
and had to cancel it."
"We know we have a tour to do."
"You'll have two
more. You'll have to finish this one
out, even if it's promoted as a second tour, and another one after that."
"Right." JC nodded.
"So that's all this is going to
say. Your lawyers are going over it to
make sure everything is worded right then you'll have your copies tonight."
"What about Lance? How is he going to sign it?"
"He'll sign as soon as he's
able to." Johnny said softly.
"So when it gets here we'll all
sign it, then can we go see Lance?"
Chris asked.
"We can go to the hospital as
soon as we're done with the statements.
When the contract is delivered I'll have it brought to you guys wherever
you are and get it sent back."
"Okay." JC frowned and leaned forward in his chair
as he sighed, "So what are we
saying in our statement?" His mind
was humming with the events of the last couple days, and with everything
happening so fast he just wanted someone to jump in and say, 'do this, do that'
and not have to think about anything.
"Basically all we're saying at
this point was that Lance's heart condition has taken a turn for the worse and
he required surgery."
"He had a…
transplant." Chris choked the word
out.
"We're not mentioning specifics
at this time." Johnny shook his
head. "Whatever we have to say
though, the fans will want to hear it from you." He paused and frowned as he licked his lips
nervously, "They'll also want to
hear from you about the tour being canceled.
Now that we've posted notice to the venues and sponsors they'll be
hearing all about it."
"So we won't get to the
hospital until like, one?" Justin
asked.
"We'll leave here as soon as
you guys finish up with your announcements." Johnny nodded.
"Okay."
"I will present the check to
the Ronald McDonald house this afternoon so they will have that money. I'll have to give them a photo op rain check
though, so once this is all put together again we can go back and present them
the check again with everyone there."
"Okay." Chris nodded and sighed.
"Any questions?" Johnny asked.
"What… what are we going to do
without a tour?" Chris asked. "I mean…"
"It'll all depend on
Lance." Johnny cleared his
throat; "You're already scheduled
to start recording in about seven months so as of now we're keeping on that
schedule." He flipped through his
planner. "As for the social events
and things like that that are already scheduled you guys can split those up
among yourselves, whichever you want to go to.
If Lance is feeling up to it he can go as well, but it's all up in the
air right now."
"So technically we've got like
seven months off?" JC looked up.
"Technically." Johnny nodded.
"Okay." They said softly.
"Why don't you guys go on
upstairs and get ready? I'll meet you
in the ballroom at eleven." Johnny
patted Chris' shoulder as they left the room in silence. He wished there was something he could do
for the guys but until Lance was back with them, walking beside them as they
trekked back down the hall, he knew things wouldn't be the same.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Just before three that afternoon the
doctor came in to check on Lance.
They'd kept a close eye on him all day but he'd barely flinched an
inch, "How would you like to have
the vent taken out today?" The
doctor smiled behind his mask and looked closely at Lance's latest blood oxygen
results. Lance was right on target for
someone who had been in surgery just over 24 hours before, even better than
expected.
Lance nodded as his eyes opened
wide; "Okay then, let's do
it. Now when I say 'go' I want you to
breathe in as deep as you can and then cough, okay?"
Lance nodded again as he tried to
remain calm. "This will all be
over in just a minute." Another
nurse said as she stood by the doctor's side.
"Ready Lance?" Dr. Porter asked. Lance nodded, signaling that he was, then the doctor took hold of
the tube and said, "Okay deep
breath…" he watched as Lance's chest rose, "Now cough real hard."
Lance did as he was told and the doctor removed the ventilator tube in
one swift move.
Lance coughed several more times to
clear his throat then gasped for air as he closed his eyes. "There you go Lance, you're done
there." Dr. Porter nodded. "Your throat is going to be raw and
sore for a while, so talking is going to hurt.
I'm going to hit you with another really small dose of morphine right
now also okay?" He didn't wait for
a response as he reached for one of the many IV tubes running into his arm. "Now that you're breathing on your own
there may be some discomfort in your chest as the muscles get back to work on
their own."
Lance nodded, wishing there were
another way for him to respond. The
doctor smiled and patted Lance's shoulder as the nurse gently cut the gauze
restraints off of his wrists. "How
about I got get your mom and bring her back here before you go to sleep? I'm sure she's waiting anxiously down there
in the waiting room."
Lance nodded again and waited as the
doctor and nurse left the room. It was
another ten minutes before his mom stepped into the room and he was beginning
to feel the effects of the medication.
Her hair, clothing and shoes were hidden under sterile coverings. She had a mask covering her face and gloves
on her hands, but he'd never been happier to see her.
“Hi angel.” His mom whispered as she walked to the side
of his bed. She reached to touch him as
she kept an eye on the machines at his side.
“Mom?” He knew it would hurt to talk, but he couldn't stop himself when
he saw his mother.
“Yeah baby, I’m here.” She reached for his hand.
“M’okay?” He asked.
“You’re doing magnificent.” She smiled.
“I need water.” He winced with every syllable.
“You can’t have water babe, but
here…" She reached into the little plastic tub and removed a tiny sponge
on a stick. She wet it in the cup of
water and gently drew it over his cracked lips, letting a few drops fall on his
dry tongue. The nurses had spent
several hours that morning preparing her for what she would see when she
finally got to see him, and what she could and couldn't do while she was in
there. He pursed his lips in response
to the water and almost sighed in content.
“Is that better?”
“Yeah.” He blinked slowly and tried to lick his own lips. “What day is it?” The act of talking felt like millions of needles in his throat
and the first thing he thought of was his voice.
“Thursday.” She smiled and rubbed his hand. “You’re still in the hospital.”
“Yeah.” His eyes drifted closed, he had missed a whole day. “Guys?”
“JC and Joey are here.” Diane nodded as her voice shook. “They can’t come back while you're still in
isolation.”
“Get them.” He said as forcefully as he could.
“They can’t come back sweetie.” His mom shook her head slowly as she wiped
tears from her eyes.
Lance winced as he swallowed a few
times, then asked the question he dreaded the answer to. “My voice?”
“I know you sound bad right now, but
the doctor said you should be able to sing again in a few weeks.”
“The same?” He frowned at the sound of his own squeaky
voice.
“Yes, you should sound the
same.” She forced a smile as worry
creased her forehead. ‘Should’ wasn’t
as optimistic as she’d like.
“Guys.” He said again.
“Lance baby they can’t come back.”
“Wanna see.” He knew he sounded juvenile using incomplete
sentences, but he couldn’t fathom the pain of attempting more than that.
Diane turned around and saw a window
leading to the nurse's desk a few feet from Lance’s bed, “You want me to see if they can come to the
window to see you?” Lance nodded
slightly and closed his eyes. The
energy it took to talk was almost too much, and he couldn’t imagine feeling
this way much longer. “Okay sweetie,
I’ll be right back.”
She stepped out of the room and
talked with the nurses for a minute.
They had been made aware of his situation early on and were happy to
accommodate their newest celebrities.
Diane left the special cardiac care unit and hurriedly found JC and
Joey, “Okay guys, come see him.”
“We can go in there?” Joey asked as he set his drink down.
“No, but you guys can gown up and go
to the nurses desk. There’s a window
looking right into Lance’s room, you can see him from there.”
“Is he awake?”
“He asked for you.” Diane nodded as tears rose in her eyes.
“He did?” JC smiled and followed Diane up the hall.
“And of course he asked about his
voice.” She nodded and walked faster;
she didn’t want to miss a single moment of Lance’s awake time.
“Always thinking about work.” Joey shook his head.
“I wish the other guys could be
here.” JC sighed as he and Joey pulled
yellow gowns off of the pile and struggled to tie them on over their clothes.
“How does he sound?”
“He sounds horrible right now.” She shook his head. “They had him on a vent until early this
morning, but the doctor said that should clear up in a week or so. He should be good as new.”
“And his… the heart?”
Diane nodded and took a deep breath
as she tied the mask on over her mouth and nose. “It’s doing well. So far
things look good, according to the doctors.
He’ll be on medication for the rest of his life though, so that his body
doesn’t reject it.”
“That’s better than… than uh… not
getting it.” Joey stumbled over his
words as they went to the nurse's station.
“Yes, it certainly is.” Diane’s eyes smiled over the mask. “You guys can wait right here, I’ll have him
look out the window.”
“Okay.” JC nodded as his stomach tied itself in knots. He and Joey stood anxiously with their
fingertips barely touching the glass.
“Man, he looks like crap.” JC
said under his breath.
“Are you kidding? He’s never looked better.” Joey forced a smile and nudged JC’s shoulder
as Diane walked to the far side of Lance’s bed.
“Where?” Lance winced as the words hurt his throat.
“Over here honey, look to your left,
they’re at the window.” Diane smiled
and pointed toward the window.
Lance slowly turned his head and
squinted at the window where he could barely make out two fuzzy images on the
other side. “Who is it?”
“It’s JC and Joey.” Diane repeated. “The other guys are at the hotel waiting to hear how you
are. They’ve been here in shifts.”
“Call Just and Chris.”
“No, you can’t call them.”
“You can.”
“Oh of course I’ll call them. I’ve been calling them the whole time.”
“Say hi for me.” Lance closed his eyes and slowly raised his
hand toward the window. He tried his
best to smile and look at them, but just keeping his eyes open was becoming difficult.
“I’ll tell them you said hi.” Diane nodded.
“Love you.” Lance winced as his throat burned.
“We all love you too
sweetheart.” Diane blew him a kiss from
behind the mask and looked up at Joey and JC standing in the window. “I’ll go tell them now and call the others, you
go back to sleep now, okay?”
“Okay.” Lance nodded and let his eyes drift closed, but lifted his hand
towards the window again, making the “OK” sign to let the guys know he was
doing good.
“Wow, he’s talking?”
“Not really. The ventilator has made his throat really
raw. But he got the point across.” She smiled and nodded toward the exit.
“How much longer will he be in
there?” Joey asked as he looked back at
the window.
“Only another day or two. The doctor said once he got all the tubes
out they'd be able to move him to a private room."
“But they took that thing out of his
mouth.”
"Yes, but he still has two
chest tubes in, as well as all of his monitors." She sighed with exhaustion.
“He’ll be out of the hospital all together in about two weeks, so the
healing process apparently goes pretty quick.”
"Two weeks?" Joey looked up suddenly. "That's all?"
"Yeah, they're pretty
aggressive about the healing. He'll
start physical therapy tonight to learn how to breathe deep and things like
that. It's amazing really… how fast
your body can heal itself."
"Yeah." JC nodded, in awe of how fast Lance was
recovering already. "He looks
uh..."
"Yeah, he looks pretty bad
right now, I know." Diane nodded
and bit her lip, "But really, he's
doing so well. He should be out of
isolation here pretty soon and the doctor has already had him sitting up part
way."
"Sitting up?"
"Yes. Well, elevating the bed to a half sitting position. Laying flat on his back hurts so that takes
the pressure off of his spine."
"Why uh... why does his back
hurt? I mean, you'd think his ribs
would hurt or something." Joey
asked with a cautious glance toward the window again.
"They do too." Diane nodded. "But when they spread his ribcage open for the surgery it
compressed his spine. Kind of like a
hinge on a door." She demonstrated
with her hands as the two grown men in front of her turned white at the thought.
"Christ."
"Shit."
"He's still on morphine for the
pain but they've already cut their doses by more than half so he should be off
of that when he moves out of isolation."
"Damn." JC shook his head. "This is so crazy... I mean, really."
"Yep." Diane smiled again to hide her fear. "I need to go call Justin and Chris to
let them know he woke up a bit and said hi to them. Are they back at the hotel?"
"Yeah, it's their turn to
sleep." Joey nodded as he stifled
a yawn.
"You two should go back
also." She cast them a 'worried
mother' look.
"We're okay." JC insisted.
"JC, there's nothing you can do
here. You guys won't be able to see him
until tomorrow at the earliest and I don't want to see you guys run yourselves
down."
"We're okay."
"I'm serious you guys. I really want you to go back to the hotel and
get some sleep. Go eat a decent meal,
call your families, watch a movie… please go do something that isn't at the
hospital." She pleaded with them
as she placed her hands on their shoulders.
"I'm going to my hotel as soon as I meet with the transplant nurse
to find out how to get the house cleaned and disinfected for Lance to come
home."
"I just don't - " JC started to argue.
"Come on guys." She turned them around and walked them back
to the waiting room. "I'm going to
call Chris and Justin, and I want you two to go back to the hotel. I know Johnny's got stuff for you to do and
I'm going to call him too to keep him up to date." She thought for a second. "If you wear yourself out and get sick,
you won't be able to come back and see lance.
They won't let anyone who even might be sick back there. So if you want to see him you need to go get
yourselves put together."
"It just feels wrong
mom." Joey said as he lowered his
head. Over the last couple days the
guys had taken to calling her 'mom' to substitute for Lance not being able to
say it, and for them missing their own mothers. They'd also grown closer during their time at the hospital and it
just felt normal. Joe continued, "When we're there all we're thinking
about is how Lance isn't there. When we
go to a conference, or make a phone call or tape an announcement or whatever
it's like there's this hole."
"We're like blind chickens
running around the hotel. It's like
when we're there all we do is pace the floors and wish we were here and
when we're here all we do is pace the floors but at least we're here."
"That's not healthy." Diane grimaced.
"But it's all we can
do." JC shrugged. "I mean, we can't fix it so… it's the
best we can do." The exhaustion
showed in his face and his thought process was noticeably slower than normal.
"The best you can do is keep
yourselves healthy and do what you need to do.
Lance would do the same thing Jace, you know he would want you to cover
the business end of the deal."
"I know."
"He's going to be upset if he
knows you guys were wasting your time around here when there was work to be
done."
"Yeah." Joey laughed softly.
"So right now’s not the time to
piss him off." Diane smiled. "I'll call you guys tonight and let you
know if I hear anything. I don't want
to see you guys around here until tomorrow."
Joey nodded and bumped JC's
shoulder, "She's right."
"I know." JC dropped his chin to his chest. She was right, but they didn't have to like
it. "See you tomorrow." He caved as he gave her a strong hug, then
headed toward the elevators with Joey.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By the next afternoon the guys had
made their comments to the press and done the obligatory shots on MTV, sent out
messages to their individual organizations and eaten a full warm meal. They congregated in the hospital waiting
room and were huddled in a corner together, just wanting to keep each other in
their sights. Johnny watched from a
distance as they talked in hushed, almost whispered tones. Now that Lance was out of surgery and almost
out of isolation, everything began to hit them all at once. "I can't believe he has a new
heart." Joey shook his head.
"I can't believe he didn't tell
us." JC added.
"He didn't want us to
freak." Justin said with his
thumbnail in his mouth. He bit the nail
then turned his head to the side to spit it out, "He knew we would."
"How weird is it to think that
at some point on Wednesday, Lance didn't have a heart in his body. At all." Joey's eyebrows rose in the middle as he frowned deeply. "That's just... that's bizarre."
"This isn't the end though
guys." Chris leaned forward and
rested his elbows on his knees, "I
mean, from now on nothings going to be the same."
"Of course not." Justin scowled.
"No I mean for
anyone." Chris sighed, "Lance is going to have to be careful
of everything and take all of his medicine and stuff. We're going to have to watch him."
"He's not nine,
Chris." JC frowned up at Chris
from his seat on the ground by Justin's feet.
"He knows he has to take his medicine."
"Yeah but…"
"I know what you
mean." Justin nodded. "We've just got to be careful too."
"I looked around on the web
last night and found some stuff on this kind of surgery." Joey added softly. He couldn't quite bring himself to say 'transplant' when he was
talking about his friend. "It said
that uh… that he could reject it any time, not just at the beginning. So he's got to watch his temperature and
wear a face mask in public."
"That's only for the first
month." JC shook his head; he'd
done some checking of his own that morning.
"His doctor said once he's been on the anti-rejection medication for
a month he doesn't have to wear the mask, he just has to wash his hands a lot
or use that gel stuff, you know? That
stuff you have." He looked at
Justin.
They sat in silence for a
minute, "I know this is gonna
sound stupid…” Justin lowered his voice even more so that only the three
sitting next to him could hear,
"But… we almost, I mean… we could have… if he'd have died, I
mean…" He sighed; it wasn't coming out right. "What would we do? I
mean, any of us…"
"I don't know." JC dropped his eyes to the floor.
"I don't know." Chris ran his hand through his hair and gently
tugged on it.
Joey paused and looked around at the others, thinking that it could have been any of them, "I don't know."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The doctors and nurses worked
through the evening to lower Lance's slight temperature and pinpointed the
infection. Due to the dry air in the
room and the straight oxygen he'd been on, Lance's nose and sinuses had dried
out and he was contracting a sinus infection.
Minor on many scales, but at that point in his healing it could be
devastating. They hit him hard with
more medications and monitored his vitals closely over night.
By seven the next morning his
temperature had returned to normal and he had very little congestion in his
nose or lungs. Dr. Porter checked him
out carefully before approving his move out of isolation and into cardiac
recovery.
Lance's chest tubes were removed and
bandaged, then he was wheeled to his new private room where he would be able to
have guests. The first people on his
list were the guys, since he'd had his mother visiting him from the start. No one could decide who was going to go
first so the doctor settled it for them, they could all go at once, but they
had to keep the volume down and only stay for a short while.
Hey took turns scrubbing their hands
before going into Lance's room,
"Do we need to wear the masks or anything?" JC asked the nurse as they reached his door.
"Nope, not any more." She smiled.
"You just need to scrub your hands before you go in and make sure
that your clothes are clean."
"Okay." JC frowned
slightly, he wasn't sure about that.
When they walked into the room Lance
was sitting up halfway with his chest exposed.
A narrow white bandage ran from his neck to his belly button and there
were electrodes and tubes running all over his chest. "Hey man." Joey
smiled as he led the way in.
"Hi." Lance's face broke into a wide grin as he
saw them walk into the room together,
"Wow, all of you?"
"Yeah, we conned the
nurses." Justin laughed and tried
not to stare at the machines or the bandage.
"How do you feel?"
"I'm alright." Lance nodded and winced as he
swallowed. "My back and my throat
hurt, but other than that I'm cool."
"You look like hell." JC's lips turned up in a half smile, "If TigerBeat could see you now…"
Lance laughed lightly then
grimaced, "Ow, ow, ow don't make
me laugh." He shook his head and
tried to stop from smiling.
"I'm sorry." JC said quickly as he blushed, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't - "
"Relax Jace." Lance crossed one arm over his chest while
the other sat at his side covered with IV's and tape. "So what'd I miss?"
"Like, two days worth of
press." Justin rolled his
eyes. "I'd say you got the better
end of the deal."
"Yeah right." Lance licked his lips and looked around at
his friends. They were all smiling, but
he knew them better than that. Those
fake plastic smiles fooled a lot of people, but they would never fool him. "Did you guys call Carson?"
"Yeah Justin did." JC pointed at Justin who had found an extra
chair and was sitting by the window.
"You should see all the cards and stuff that are being sent to MTV
and the fanclub. Seriously, it's only
been like two days since this happened and you're already getting presents."
"You guys didn't bring me
anything." Lance pretended to pout
to keep the mood light. He knew the
guys must be putting up with a lot of stress right then, and he didn't want to
add to it.
"You get out of here we'll get
you anything you want." Joey
nodded.
"Man… you know what I
want? A milkshake. A McDonalds chocolate milkshake." Lance closed his eyes in ecstasy. "Oh my God, that's all I want."
"Can you have one?"
"Probably not." Lance shook his head. "They want to fill me up with all of
this vitamin enriched stuff that looks like barf."
"Sounds fun." JC smiled.
"So okay guys…” Lance said
after a pause, "There's no way you
guys are this normal." He spoke
slower than usual as his eyes began to drift closed. Out of nowhere he'd become tired, and that was hard to get used
to. "Tell me what's on your minds,
honestly."
The four men around his bed looked
at each other then back at Lance,
"We're just glad you're okay." Chris volunteered. "That's
all."
"I'm glad too."
"We've had our time to flip out
in the waiting room… I think we got it out of our systems." JC laughed bitterly and licked his
lips. "Be glad you were doped up
for that." He glanced over at Justin
and raised his eyebrow.
"I'll be out of here before you
know it." Lance said softly. "We'll be back in the studio as soon as
possible and back on stage next year.
Promise."
"Don't worry about that
man." Joey sighed and shook his
head; this was so like Lance.
"Just get better and everything, we'll go back to work when we're
all ready."
"Knock knock." A doctor in a white coat tapped on Lance's
door. "I'm sorry to interrupt
guys, but I need a moment alone with the patient please."
"Hey Doc." Lance smiled as he walked in and patted
Lance's foot under the thin blanket.
"How are you feeling Lance?"
"I'm good."
"Has Dr. Moskwis been in to go
over your meds yet?"
"Yeah, she was in this
morning. She's coming back tonight to
start to quiz me." Lance nodded.
"Great, that'll be good for
you. You're not allowed to leave until
you have them all memorized." Dr.
Porter smiled and tapped his temple.
"Hey we'll just uh, we'll see
you later, okay?" JC asked
uneasily as he slid toward the door.
"Yeah, hey can you guys do me a
favor? Can you go tell my mom to go to
her hotel? I know she's been in the
waiting room since she got here a couple days ago."
"Yeah, we'll tell
her." Chris followed JC out of the
room.
"Thanks. You too though, go back to the hotel and get
some sleep."
"We will." They agreed as they headed out, "We'll see you later."
"Bye guys." Lance gave a half wave then looked at his
doctor, "What do I get to do
now?" He yawned.
"You get to get up and walk,
how does that sound?"
"Like not a lot of fun."
"I think you're
ready." Dr. Porter quickly glanced
at the monitors. "To the bathroom
and back, that's all I'm asking for."
Lance looked across the tiny room to
where the bathroom door was no more than five steps from the bed. "Okay.
That's it?"
"Well… there and back,
yeah."
"Okay." Lance used the remote control for his bed
and moved himself to an upright position.
He stood up slowly and took his first tentative step toward recovery.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lance was able to dress in his own
sweats the fourth day after the surgery, which helped him feel a lot more comfortable. He also got his catheter taken out so he
could go to the bathroom on his own which finally allowed him to feel
human. The nurses had him up and
walking to his door and back several times a day, and twice already he'd
stepped out into the hall to wave at the nurse’s desk.
The guys spent as much time as they
were allowed visiting with him or on the phone, but Lance was still tired a lot
and the others had work to do. For ten
days Lance met with his transplant team and had his first heart biopsy done to
begin monitoring for rejection. The
doctors reiterated his biopsy schedule that he'd have to follow. Once a week for the first four weeks, then
every other week for eight weeks, once a month for three months then every
other month for six months. After that
he would only need it done twice a year… for the rest of his life.
Diane went through the process of
having Lance's house cleaned and disinfected to have it ready for when he got
home, then contacted friends and family in the area to let them know that he'd
be returning to Florida soon and that they could stop by and visit after a
while, provided they were not sick with any kind of cold or flu.
Lance spent several days with a
physical therapist going over the exercise he would need to do daily, as well
as spending hours with his pharmacist to talk about which medications he'd be
taking, what they looked like and when he had to take them. He was fitted with a medical alert bracelet
that included emergency numbers to call if anything happened to him. A plump dietician came around on his last
day to go over his new dietary needs and provided several custom menus for him
to keep track of his fat and sugar intake.
Dr. Porter came by in the morning of
his thirteenth day to help celebrate the fact that Lance was going home only
twelve days after his surgery. He gave
Lance some last minute pointers and his new heart binder that had all of the
information Lance could possibly need regarding restrictions, infection, diet
and exercise. "I'm really glad to
see that you're up and about so well Lance."
"Thanks." Lance smiled as he sat up in bed, it was
hard to believe that only two weeks ago he'd had a completely different heart.
"Have a safe trip home, and
remember… you can call any time for whatever reason. There's at least two doctors in our Cardiac Care center at all
times."
"Thanks Dr. Porter, for
everything." Lance nodded and
lowered his head. The top of his
incision was just visible over the neckline of his baggy shirt.
"You're welcome." Dr. Porter smiled. "Now. Since you're
technically not my patient any more now that I've signed your discharge papers…
would you mind giving me an autograph?"
Lance smiled broadly, this was the
first time since he stepped into the hospital that someone made a normal
request of him. He'd signed countless
waivers and disclaimers for the surgery and after care, but this was the first
autograph he was signing with his new heart and it felt good.
"Hell yeah." He laughed lightly, feeling the dull pain in
his side still when he laughed.
"I'll sign anything you want."
"Thank you. I have something for you too… if you want
it."
"What is it?"
"It's a picture of your
heart." Dr. Porter reached into
his pant pocket. "Your new one I
mean."
"A picture?"
"Yeah, it's my quirk. I take photos of all of the transplant
hearts I get to give people, then if they want a copy I give one to them
too." The doctor blushed slightly, "So if you want it."
"Y-yeah… yeah." Lance held out his hand and gingerly took
the glossy photo from the doctor’s hand.
He stared at it for a long minute, almost forgetting to breathe. "That's the one I have now?" Lance asked without looking up.
"That's the one that's beating
right now." Dr. Porter nodded.
"Wow." Lance brought the picture closer and studied
it with interest. Not many people got
to actually see their heart, but there was his. His heart was sitting in somebody’s hands like a treasure,
hovering over a bright blue surgical cloth with a shiny metal instrument in the
corner of the photo. "I can keep
this?"
"It's yours." The doctor nodded. "Would you mind signing my copy?"
"Not at all… will you sign
mine?" He smiled up at the doctor
and handed the photo back as Dr. Porter took a pen out of his breast pocket.
"I'd be honored." He scrawled his barely legible signature
across the back and added '#99' to the bottom.
"99?"
"You're my 99th
transplant. One away from the big
winner." The doctor laughed and
handed Lance the pen and the other photo.
"Aww man, I couldn't hold out
one more week huh?" He smiled and
signed the back of the photo and added a small message of his own, 'Thanks for keeping my beats Nsync.' He chuckled as he handed it back to the
doctor. "A little band humor
there."
"Thanks." They smiled at each other then shook
hands. "Just think, by this time
tomorrow you'll be at home in your own bed."
"I hope so." Lance sighed. "Our flight leaves at ten tomorrow."
"So where are you staying
tonight?"
"At the hotel." Lance nodded.
Dr. Porter cringed, "I was under the impression you were
leaving today. You're going to be mad…"
"What?"
"I'd like you to stay tonight."
"Here?"
"Yes."
"Oh come on…” Lance
began to whine.
"Hotel rooms and linens are
crawling with bacteria. I'd be lots
happier if you stayed here tonight and left for the airport straight from here."
"I can't argue my way out of
this, can I?"
"No." Dr. Porter shook his head with a smile.
"Do I have to be hooked up?"
"Just to the finger
monitor. No needles."
"Can I have my own dinner?"
"Yeah." He smiled.
"You can have your mom bring you in some real food. No junk food though. No double cheese burgers or anything like
that."
"I want a chicken quesadilla."
"That's fine."
"This sucks."
"Yeah but it'd suck a lot more
if you spiked a fever in the morning and had to come back for another week
because you got something funky from the hotel."
"Yeah." Lance sighed. "Damn. So close and
yet so far."
Dr. Porter patted his knee. "One of these days you'll thank me for
it."
"I already do." Lance nodded and looked down at the picture
again. "Thanks."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Diane went home to Florida with
Lance and stayed for the first three weeks to take care of Lance. She fell into the position of 'doting
mother' very easily as she fussed around him making his bed and preparing his
meals. By the end of the third week his
was taking care of himself better than anyone could have hoped. He was able to shower and dress by himself,
and he'd even started walking around the block twice a day, once with his mom
and once with his physical therapist.
He didn't want to send his mom away when it was so apparent that she was
worried about him, but at the same time he wanted to get his life back on track.
He'd been maintaining his
medications himself and had kept up with all of his doctor's appointments and
the physical therapy that he needed.
Five weeks after the surgery and three weeks after being sent home,
Lance finally sat down with his mother over breakfast. "Hey um, I was thinking…"
"Did you take your pills this
morning and weigh yourself?"
"Yeah, 147 and I took my
meds." Lance nodded and looked at
the three pills by his plate,
"Except these ones that I can't take until I eat." He mumbled.
"Mom, sit down and eat.
You’ve been here for like three weeks and I’ve never seen you actually
sit down.” Lance watched as his mother
sighed and sat in the chair across from Lance,
“Listen mom, I was - "
"How does your incision feel?"
"It's fine." Lance ran his hand through his hair, feeling
the slight tug across his chest as he stretched his muscles. "But mom, I was thinking… um, I know
you've got your work and stuff back home in Mis - "
"Nonsense Lance, I'm going to
be here for as long as you need me."
She smiled and placed several pieces of fresh cut fruit on his plate.
"Yeah, but…” He didn't want to
have to say it out loud.
Diane sighed and placed her fork
beside her plate, "You don't need
me anymore." She stated simply.
"It's not that mom." Lance explained quickly, "I just… of course I need you but right
now I think I need to do this by myself."
"You still have three more
doctors visits next week."
"I know."
"You can't drive yourself."
"I know."
"Lance how are you going to
take care of yourself?"
"I've been doing it for a
couple years now mom." He dropped
his eyes to his plate, hurting his mom was never anything he wanted to do. "I love you so much mom, but this is
something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. Eventually I'm going to have to take care of
it by myself and I'm ready."
"Angel, you just had
surgery."
"I had surgery five weeks
ago." He took a deep breath, "All of my doctors have said I'm in
great shape and that everything looks good.
My biopsies have all come back normal; my blood work is good… I'll be
able to drive in another two or three weeks.
My physical therapy is going well, Morgan is here every afternoon to
work with me, and she keeps an eye on everything while she's here. Dr. Matson is only a phone call away, Justin
and JC both live within like two miles…"
"I know, but - "
"I'm going to be okay mom."
"I know you are babe, I know
you are. But…” She sighed; he could
never understand what she felt, as a mother, to see him that way.
"It's not that I want you to
leave, I just… I need to do this. If
I'm ever going to get back in the studio or back on stage or any of that, I've
got to take control of my life as soon as possible."
Diane held her breath for a moment,
she knew he was right but that didn’t make it any easier. “Okay.”
She nodded and exhaled, “I’ll
call today and see about getting a flight home this weekend.”
“Mom, please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Mom…” Lance knew her tone well
enough.
“I’m not mad, sweetie. I’m not.”
She gave him a tight smile and blinked rapidly. “I know you have to do this.”
“I really do.” Lance whispered as he pushed his plate aside.
“Just… just be careful, okay?”
“I will.” He smiled as a tingle of excitement spread through his stomach.
“And call me everyday.”
“I always do.” He nodded.
“Eat up honey. I want you to get in the habit of eating
well before I go.” She shook her fork
toward Lance’s half eaten plate.
“Finish that, take your medicine… then we’ll start making arrangements
for me to go home.”
Lance nodded but kept his eyes on
his mom and she began to eat her breakfast.
“Thanks mom.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I couldn’t have done this without
you.” He added with a small smile. “I’m still going to need you.”
Diane nodded and smiled up at
Lance, “I’m still going to need you
too.”